Bob's Religious Humbug Detection Kit

Seriously, though, when I talk about religious humbug, I'm not talking about religion itself. I'm talking about some of the crap that goes along with it. The weeping Jesus statues, the Shroud of Turin, et cetera.

To stick with the way I've divided up the sections on this website, I'm not going to include things like faith healers in this kit (those will be in another one). I'm also not going to talk about creationism (or intelligent design, as they're calling it these days), because no one needs a special kit to debunk that.

With that said, though I'm calling this a humbug detection kit, it's not really about the detection of the humbug. It's about the detection of methods. Testing the humbug, in other words.

Faces

Let's start by talking about faces. People constantly say they see faces of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, God, or whatever religious figure they're inclined to believe in (others may see aliens or the like, if they're not religious but equally involved in the humbug). And they see these in all sorts of places.

Perhaps the most famous recent example of this would be the "Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese," a sandwich said to bear the image of Mary, which was sold on eBay for a ridiculous sum (tens of thousands of dollars). It is due specifically to this sale that it has become something of a cultural icon. The faithful flock to this cheese sandwich like I flock to the local pizza place and worship it almost as much as I worship a good American cheeseburger.

But there are tons of other examples that don't get the same kind of national press. My mother is convinced that, shortly after the death of my grandfather, the image of Jesus appeared in the bark of a tree located in a family member's backyard. Because I'm not a religious wacko, I didn't rush over to worship the tree. But I did examine a photograph.

The religious stories behind these vary, but the truth is pretty much always the same. There are two common themes you see over and over again in these cases.

The first and most common is the honest mistake. Humans evolved to recognize faces. In our Darwinian past, it was a necessary survival mechanism to see human faces. The result is that our brains are hardwired to see faces whenever something even vaguely resembles one. So when, just by some random circumstances, something that looks like a face appears (say, on a sandwich or a tree), people are bound to notice it.

Skeptics are prone to this, too. As I said, we're hardwired to notice such things. However, the way the faithful differ is that they view these events as a miracle. For the religious, it can be upsetting to live in modern times, because none of these miracles are happening. Jesus has already come and gone. So when something that can be perceived as a miracle presents itself, they reach out and grab it.

Then there are the deliberate frauds. You can usually tell the difference by the quality of the object in question. If it's a deliberate fraud, the image will usually be much clearer. Instead of just a face that they call Jesus, you might see an image with long hair and a beard.

I've seen many different methods used, and I won't go into them all. Frequently, they're burned into an object with a torch or something of the sort.

In any case, there's never been any compelling reason to accept these as miracles.

It's interesting to note that there's also a small subset of this phenomenon in which the image isn't perceived as a miracle, but demonic in nature. However, the explanation is just the same.

Weeping Statues

In this category, I include the statues that exude oil or "bleed," as well as other objects such as photographs or communion wafers.

There's no way this could just be an honest mistake. It's either a miracle or a deliberate hoax. And since we all know there are no miracles, that means it's a hoax. Of course, the burden of proof is on whoever is making the claim. However, people will often tell us skeptics that we need to prove it's not a miracle.

Well, the way to do that is to prove it's a hoax, and there are several ways to do that, depending on the individual claim and how much access you might have to the site. You're warned ahead of time: if they know you're a skeptic, they won't let you get close.

Let's talk about communion wafers first, because there are fewer methods of making those bleed.

Your first question is: is the appearance of the blood visual? If not, great. We'll get back with you in a moment. If it is visual (ie., you actually physically see it appear), you're dealing with a very advanced con-artist. I recommend you try to catch it on videotape, and speak with an experienced magician who can help you determine how it's done. The only way I can think of it happening is for a drop of the blood to be discretely placed on the wafer.

That's going to be rare, though. You may never actually run into a case where the event is visual.

Now, if it's not visual, I have another question for you. Is the particular wafer in question ever visible before it is shown to have blood on it?

If it is, that means the blood is placed on the wafer at some point during the performance. If not, you're done. The blood could have easily been placed there beforehand. Then all the performer had to do is keep it out of sight until the right moment. Not a difficult task, since the communion wafers are usually presented in a bowl. They just needed to keep another wafer on top of that one until the right moment.

Now, if the blood was placed on the wafer during the performance, there are several methods that could be used. The simplest and by far most common would be to simply have a small packet of blood (real blood or stage blood) handy. The performer just needs to palm the packet, squeeze a drop from it when he feels safe to do so, and then ditch the packet (back into a pocket, perhaps, or stuck to a piece of gum under a table).

Sometimes, this blood will appear in the shape of a cross. This is a little more difficult, but not much. If the wafer was prepared beforehand, problem solved. They had time to set it up. If it was not prepared beforehand, there are several methods.

Most communion wafers come with a cross stamped into the bread. Go to a church or a religious supply shop that sells them and examine one. You're likely to find a cross. Now, a performer could make use of this stamp, and simply apply a small drop of the blood to the proper place on the wafer so that it would fill the cross shape but nothing else.

Another possibility is that the performer could get a small drop on the tip of his little finger and casually, discretely apply it in the shape of a cross.

In any event, you should try to get a sample if you can. A lab analysis of the blood could bring the whole operation down. You see, many performers would be hesitant to use real blood, and might use stage blood instead. If you can get a sample to a lab and they determine the blood is fake, the game's up for the frauds.

Next, we'll look at the statues or photographs that are said to exude oil. These are far more common. The methods are also far more varied, and sometimes difficult to determine.

So, the first question: Does the oil (or blood, for that matter) appear while visitors are present, or is it just there the whole time? If it's there the whole time, the problem is solved. It's just placed on the statue beforehand. Simple as that.

In that case, you should challenge the owner of the statue to allow a 24 hour camera to be set up, to ensure that no one's just putting the oil there. They can't agree or they'll be caught. However, failing to allow such a test is incriminating enough.

If the oil appears while people are present, we've another question for you. Does it visibly ooze from the statue or photograph, or is it just shown to be dry and later shown to have oil?

If it's visible, you need to do two things. You need to make sure no one is covertly squirting it on there. I remember at least one case I read about in which a preacher had oil in a hidden squirt gun. If that's not the case, you need to find out just where the oil's coming from. There will be some sort of mechanism in the statue to pump it out, and you just need to find that. Easier said than done, because they won't want you to examine it. Again, however, failure to submit to investigation may not be enough to convict someone of fraud, but it is curious, isn't it?

On the other hand, if it's just shown to be dry and later shown to have oil on it, you need to think of whether there was any time at which no one was watching. Again, cameras help if you're able to use them.

In any case, it's just a matter of working through the scientific method. Observe a phenomenon. Invent a hypothesis. Test it. Refine it. Repeat until it works.

Holy Relics

There's really not much a layperson can do about holy relics, except understand what they are. A relic is a body part (yes, I said body part) or personal item of a person of some religious significance which is carefully preserved with an air of veneration. Some people believe relics serve as a vehicle for blessings.

Most Protestant denominations condemn this veneration of holy objects, but the Catholic church seems to have no problem with it. I have actually held a finger bone, said to belong to one of the saints (though which saint it was escapes me).

Authenticity of these relics should always be questioned, as should the religious doctrine related to them.

There is little science can do about the religious doctrine. Individual scientists can and will continue to express dismay over the lack of evidence supporting such claims.

As for the authenticity of the relics as historical objects, there's good news and bad news. There is debate over the historical accuracy of Biblical characters (for instance, there's debate as to whether or not Jesus ever existed even as a man). Saints, though, are recorded in history (though the Church fills the stories with a bunch of tommyrot about miracles).

It is conceivable that such objects could indeed be the body parts or belongings of these characters, at least in some cases. However, the lay person can't really determine this for himself. This is the task of experts in the fields of archaeology, history, and dating.

You should know, however, that there are hundreds of thousands of such items in existence, and most are fakes. These are collected in churches and private collections. Examples include pieces of the "True Cross" (or, the cross on which Jesus was hung). There's no way to know exactly how many of these there are, but experts say there are enough that, were they put together, you could build several cabins. There are also at least sixteen foreskins of Christ in these collections (calling into question not only the validity of such claims about relics, but also the sanity of the faithful who collect such items). Bones or skeletons of these figures are also questionable, since the "complete skeleton of Mary Magdalene" seems to have two right feet.

Perhaps the most famous example is the Shroud of Turin. Scientific dating methods, however, have demonstrated this relic to be a complete fake, though the faithful will not be swayed in their belief.

There's a lot of religious humbug out there. Hopefully this gives you some tools to keep in your kit for dealing with such claims.